I play with art to access a pre-verbal reality inside of myself. Picasso once famously said, “It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” I have been rolling that one around for decades. I understand what the words mean, but how does it apply to me?
My Process
I have seen children in art class, every cell involved in the process. When engaged, their thoughts and bodies, self-consciousness, good feelings, edgy feelings, and everything in between are dropped into the art.
For me, when it is time for a painting, I have to let go of the flow of forward-thinking and endless possibilities, release time management calculations, soften the physical energy of control, and be willing to feel the entire rainbow of emotions, including the unpleasant ones. I let go of aspirations and the desire to be liked. I call on my sense of wonder, desire, prayer, emptiness, and moment-to-moment aliveness. I ask it to come to the painting. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. It does not matter. I wish to drop into a cellular space before I could speak. I want to be the celestial note that sounded at the moment of my conception. That could take a lifetime. And there is no hurry.